Recently I went to see a good new production of 'The Normal Heart' at The National Theatre and it reminded me that I meant to read this recent memoir. In the mid-80s Ruth Coker Burks was visiting a friend in an Arkansas hospital when she noticed a nearby patient's door was painted red and the nurses were arguing about who had to go in to tend to the patient. Feeling concerned for whoever was inside, she entered herself and found a man dying of an AIDS-related illness. Rather than succumb to fear as many people did at that time (and especially in that highly-religious, predominantly-conservative part of the country) she was overwhelmed by human sympathy for a man in pain and alone in the last hours of his life. From there she started caring for other young men suffering and dying from the same affliction.
As her involvement grew, she not only assisted them at the end of their lives and help to put their remains to rest (when some literally abandoned these men's corpses) but she also became an activist trying to source medication, spread awareness, distribute food and sexual protection amongst the gay community and create political change. Her intense dedication to this cause is in some ways astounding because she was a single working mother who was also Christian and heterosexual. By associating with and helping these reviled men she and her daughter were ostracised themselves. But, at the same time, she saw her involvement as the only possible response to help people who were clearly suffering. I admire how she refused to compromise her sense of caring for those in need even when she felt the same fears those around her were experiencing because there was so little understanding at the time what AIDS was or how it is spread. We follow not only her story getting involved in this cause but learn about the many individuals she befriended and lost because of AIDS because these men were never just a number or statistic to her.
Naturally, given the subject matter, there is a lot of heartache and sorrow in this book. But there is also a lot of humour, joy and love as well which is largely driven by Burks' effervescent personality. It's shocking reading about the hatred of certain people who confront her and object to what she's doing, but it's also funny reading her witty responses and bitchy asides about these people. For instance, when a woman is absolutely horrible she remarks how this lady's camel hair coat was expensive at one point but that time had past. Equally, since she worked for a long time selling time shares, it's very funny reading about the clever psychological strategies she employed to get people to sign up. This soft approach also served her well in trying to rally support for the cause she fought for. What comes across in all her interactions with people is a real empathy in trying to understand their position and form a real connection. Although she encountered a lot of blatant hatred and hypocrisy, she also met people who were surprisingly sympathetic and there are beautiful moments of small kindness. There are also many dynamic personalities in the gay community who shine through these pages though the men themselves died long ago.
I'm so filled with admiration for Burks that it doesn't feel appropriate to critique this book's writing style or construction in the way I might other books. The subject matter and people it describes are so engaging and interesting that I was completely drawn into her story and the plight of the individuals caught in this tragic time of history. It's impressive that Burks refused to turn away when some men in the gay community itself preferred to pretend it wasn't happening even while their own friends and lovers were dying around them. I also really appreciated how this account shows a different part of the country since most stories about AIDS in the 80s centre around NYC or San Francisco. This memoir is not only a beautiful memorial to the many lives lost, but also the perseverance of individuals dedicated to doing what's right rather than what's easy.
